


You can't hide love

by october_lady



Category: Morrilla - Fandom, Once Upon a Time RPF
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 12:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7618735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/october_lady/pseuds/october_lady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Jen watched the videos from SDCC and saw how she and Lana look at each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	You can't hide love

**Author's Note:**

> Role play
> 
> Italics is Jen (and Jos)

Lana got out of the elevator and started to walk towards the room. She was tired and couldn't wait to take off her shoes and dress after the whole day of interviews. Jen was supposed to be waiting in the room already, she excused herself from the party a little bit earlier but Lana got caught by some people and had to stay longer. She pushed the room key in and opened the door. The lights were off, only the lamp on the bedside table was on. "Jen?" She asked when she entered the room. She looked around and finally saw her. The blonde was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, her arms wrapped around her legs. She was staring in front of herself, tears staining her face. She was pale, paler than usually. Her tablet was lying next to her, the screen still on. She was shivering. "Oh my God, Jen, what happened, are you okay?" Lana ran to her immediately and fell down besides her.

 

_Jen jumps at the sound of Lana's voice, her eyes darting to the brunette and back into space. Her chest burns with the fast, short breaths she takes and her face is wet and her bottom lip trembling.  
"La-na, I--we...they know," she chokes out, beginning to rock slightly. Lana's eyebrows furrow in concern and confusion at Jen's words. _  
_"What do you mean, baby? Who knows? What do they know?" She whispers, her hand barely grazing Jen's arm before Jen flinched and moves away. Lana's heart drops. "Jen?" She looks at the tablet and then back at the blonde, worry eatin_ g at _her, not quite knowing what to do._  
"L-leave...me...alone," she says in gasps, barely able to breathe, tears streaming down her face.

 

  
Lana panics at what is going on. She's never seen Jen like this. She heard about her episodes but Jen never described it into details and she didn't push her. Is that what is now happening? She was confused. She had no idea what Jen meant with "they know" and what set her into this state. She glanced at the tablet again and finally picked it up. There was a vine. "Is this the last thing you watched?" She looked at Jen but she didn't answer, she kept staring in front of herself. Lana turned back to the screen and played it. It were clips from today. Of Jen and her. Every glance, every look, every random touch. She stared at it, watching it in disbelief. It played about twice before she stopped it, still looking at the dark screen. So this is what Jen meant. The way the clips were cut and put together, the way she was looking and Jen... And Jen at her... It was quite clear that there was something more into their relationship. And as much as Jen didn't really want to admit it, she was afraid of coming out, especially if she would be forced into it. "Jen, it's okay. They don't know anything, they just speculate and fantasize... Maybe it's just Emma and Regina..." She gently put her hand on Jen's back, wanting to comfort her.

 

_And Jen flinches again at her touch, but doesn't move away. Her hands go to her head to try and hold back the pain.  
"No, Lana" she sobs wincing as the migraine comes full force. "They will talk ab-about you, they will rip you apart...I don't want that I--" she begins to tremble as breathing becomes more and more shallow. _

 

Lana throws the tablet away and sits in front of her, being careful not to touch her. "It's okay, baby. Please don't worry about that. I can handle that. Just look at me. I won't touch you again, I promise. Just please look at me?" She's not really sure what she's doing, having just a little idea how to deal with these situations. But her voice is soft, she's trying to stay calm, to talk slowly.

 

_Jen's heart pounds and so does her head as she forces herself to look at Lana. And Lana's sweet voice calms her, makes her feel safe and God, those eyes were exactly what she needed.  
"I--I'm s-so sor-ry, Lana," she whispers, hugging her legs tighter to her chest, her body's shaking getting worse. "It's...my fault," she says and hisses, face contorting in pain as she feels it intensify. _

 

"No no no no, it's no one's fault and certainly not yours. We can talk about this later." Her heart hurts when she sees Jen so broken, it pains her that she can't hug her, touch her, it hurts so much and she wants to cry but she can't. She can't do that now. She has to stay calm, she has to help Jen, she needs her now. "Okay sweetheart, can you focus on my voice and breathe with me? Can you do that?" She asks softly, looking in those sad green eyes full of tears and smiles encouragingly. "You can close your eyes if it helps with your headache and just listen to me," she adds when she sees her shiver and cringe every now and then.

 

_Jen keeps her eyes on Lana's, forcing herself to focus only on her deep brown eyes. And she sees so much love and concern there...she can't help but feel more calm. Jen nods, agreeing to do as Lana says, wanting this ugly feeling gone. She mimics Lana's breathing, her tears stopping, air going in and out of her lungs easier. Jen's skull feels as if it were going to explode, but she focuses on Lana. The sweet smile, the kind eyes, how beautifully her hair frames her face...her eyes follow every dip and curve of Lana's face as they always do. From the vein in her forehead to her beautiful scar on her upper lip. And now she can breathe, she can think, she can see.  
"Lana," she chokes, getting closer. "God--I'm sorry I moved away! I'm so sorry." _

 

Lana waits for Jen's nod and smiles at her again. "Just breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out." She keeps repeating this as they sit there, watching each other, looking into each other's eyes. She can see that after a while Jen is breathing easier, steadier. She can see she's calming down. "In and out. In and out. In and out." Until Jen takes a deep breath and breaks down again, words rushing out. "It's okay, it's okay, don't worry." She hurries to assure her. "Don't apologize, it's alright, I understand, shhh..." She moves forward but stops herself, hand hovering over Jen's. "Can I touch you? It's okay if not, I can just sit here with you."

 

_"Touch me," Jen whispers, dying to be in Lana's arms._

 

Lana smiles, relief flooding her immediately. She hears the desperation in Jen's voice, she can see she's still a bit shivering. She moves next to her and leans against the wall, pulling Jen on herself and hugging her. "C'mere, I've got you, it's okay," she whispers as she caresses her hair, holding her close. "Everything is going to be okay, don't worry about it. We'll deal with it if we have to, no one is going to hurt you, no one is going to force you to do anything you don't want to, I promise." She mumbles into the blond hair, her own eyes closed, tears burning behind her eyelids.

 

_Jen's senses are invaded by Lana's touch, Lana's words, Lana's scent, just Lana and she feels everything inside her sort itself out. And she's still in pain but the brunette's sweet words soothe her._  
"I'm so sorry you had to see that...I don't know how or when it even started but I am so glad you came in and you're here...thank you." She whispers hugging Lana closer. Her thoughts race out of her quickly after that, her words quiet but loud and clear enough to be understood.   
"I don't want them to hurt you, Lana. If this gets out before we planned...things could get bad. Really bad. You'll be torn apart by the media and even our jobs could be at stake. I just--I want to protect you, Lana." She murmurs, looking up and meeting Lana's eyes. "I will protect you and we...we have to be more careful with how we act, what we say...what we do."

 

"Jen," Lana says firmly but her voice still soft, just wanting the blonde to know how things are going to be. "Let's talk about this tomorrow, or on Monday. I'm sure they won't tear me apart. There is nothing to tear apart. Fred and I separated months ago, I moved out. We have no obligation to make it public, just like you and I don't have to make our relationship public. We don't have to react to anything. The most important thing is that you are comfortable if and when we decide to come out." She presses a kiss into Jen's hair, staying like that a bit longer. "So please, please don't worry about that now, okay? I appreciate it so much that you want to protect me, but i don't want you to do that at the cost of yourself. We can handle this together, okay? We are in this together, not by our own." She keeps rubbing her back, and rocking her back and forth, soothing her. "Do you have a headache?" She asks as she remembers Jen's eyes and holding onto her head.

 

_Jen sighs, relieved by Lana's words. Lana has always had the ability to calm her down when she was feeling her worst and it was one of the things that made her fall deeper in love with the woman. How was she even real?  
"Thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you." Jen whispers, kissing Lana's jaw. "And yeah...my head is pounding. I need to take something for it." The blonde says, her hand reaching up and holding onto the nape of Lana's neck. "I really don't want to move now...can we stay like this? For a little while?" _

 

"We can stay like this as long as you want." Lana smiles and gives her a peck on her lips. She feels so overwhelmed with her feelings for this woman, seeing her so vulnerable and broken hurt her so much, it took everything in her to stay calm and not to panic. "Jen... the way I saw you tonight... It's nothing you have to apologize for and I don't want you to think this is something you have to hide from me. I know you mentioned it before that it happens but you have to tell me what helps you to calm down. I want to help you but I can't do it if I don't really know how..."

 

_Jen's heart squeezes painfully at the question, knowing very well she hurt Lana by pushing her away and that Lana must have been so scared...  
"Lana, that was the first time another person has helped me through it." She admits. "I am always on my own when it happens and when I can feel it coming on around people, I leave so I can be alone. Tonight was the first time anyone saw that...and helped me out of it." She pulls back to look into Lana's eyes. "So I wouldn't know what you could do to help...you figured it out by yourself. You understood what I needed and you got me through." Her eyes sting with tears as emotion overwhelms her. "You're incredible. I love you so much." _

 

"I don't want you to go through this alone," Lana whispers and she's no longer able to hold her tears back. She cups Jen's face and looks into her eyes. "Yes, I was scared. But only because I didn't know what to do. I wanted to help you so much but I wasn't sure what to do and what is okay because I didn't want to hurt you more. I know you are strong and you can handle a lot of things but can you please promise me you'll call me next time this happens and I'm not around?" Lana is wiping on Jen's cheeks, smiling at her through her own tears. "I'm sorry I'm so dramatic," she laughs, "I love you and I want to be able to always help you."

 

_Jen captures Lana's lips in a slow, tender kiss. And it is not a sexual kiss, but a kiss full of love and appreciation and gratitude. When they pull apart, Jen caresses Lana's cheeks, her hands taking the brunette's face and shakes her head in awe.  
"You're not dramatic, you're lovely." She says before pecking Lana's lips once more. "And I promise you will know every time it happens. I know you always want to help me, I can see it and I love you sooooo much for it. Thank you." She gives her another kiss, as sweet and soft as the one before. "My angel," she whispers when they pull away for air, their foreheads against each other. _

 

Lana smiles when Jen calls her an angel and decides for once not to argue about that. She pulls Jen into a tight hug and squeezes hard, all the emotions still flowing through her. "I love you so much." She whispers, her face snuggled in blonde soft curls. "Come on, let's get you into bed and get some painkillers." She squeezes her one more time before she pulls away and stands up, reaching out for Jen's hand to help her up.

 

_Jen bites her lip to keep from smiling like an idiot and takes Lana's hand, standing and intertwining their fingers. God, she loved that woman._

 


End file.
